The Missing Sock Epidemic

Hidden deep in the warmth of your clothes dryer — along with that giant ball of fuzz — he lurks. His sole mission to slowly steal away your socks. And your sanity. Do you doubt his existence? Are you a non-believer? Well then explain to me how come every time I go to dress my son or one of my daughters why I can never find any socks?! Correction: Why I can never find a matching pair of socks? Did a sock get dropped on the way from the dryer to the clothes drawer? Did my daughter play sock basketball and lose a sock under her bed? Maybe the dog ate it? I’ve seen socks develop holes in them, usually at the heel — maybe the hole got so big that the sock became all hole and just vanished into nothingness? Whatever the case may be, you’ll find little more frustrating as a parent then trying to find a matching pair of socks in a hurry. You might as well attempt to spin silk into gold. My household doesn’t suffer alone, missing socks seem to be a universal plight. Some have even taken to calling it Missing Sock Syndrome. Search the internet and theories abound as to why socks go missing, even those which turn to Quantum Mechanics for an answer. The Whirlpool Institute offers up so called ‘real explanations’ for sock disappearance . Or maybe Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is onto something when he describes socks as escape artists. All good theories. All wrong. I know where all those missing socks are, they’re in the belly of the beast!...

People with no kids have no idea!

People with no kids have no idea. Not a clue. They think they know, but they don’t. I don’t say this without any degree of condescension or arrogance, simply as a statement of fact. A statement I’ve earned the right to make after years of sleep deprivation and thousands of changed diapers. Some may dispute it, but parents won’t possibly refute it because they know the regular chaos that can swirl around a toddler filled household. May have tried to describe it. Few in funnier fashion than standup comedian Michael McIntyre. It’s funny because it’s...